Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
