the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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