Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
