just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
