1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
