youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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