just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can't turn off my feet"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
