Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize