you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
