Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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