My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
