Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
