I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
