Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
