I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
