look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
