i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
