i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
What drink are we having for lunch?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
