There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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