I cockslap morals
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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