she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
