just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
