Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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