I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
