Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
