Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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