Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
