cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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