Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
