Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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