On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
