Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
