What a fucking waste of an outfit
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
