Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
