I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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