I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
