My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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