Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
