the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just want nice things and good sex
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
