This girl is more easily done than said...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
