The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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