Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
