whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
