Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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