belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
