I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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