I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
