she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
