the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
