i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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