i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
