So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
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