Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
