i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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