sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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