I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
